That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
