i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
