I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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