So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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