Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
