True but thats because hes a fetus.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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