I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
