ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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