he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
