i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Everyone says I win the strip club
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
