fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
