Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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