it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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