I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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