My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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