im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
