I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
