I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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