do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
