it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have post one night stand depression
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