Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
