You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
