I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Found your dick twin last night
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
