i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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