I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
