I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize