She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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