oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
