So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
