I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
