He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
