I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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