she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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