You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
