Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
