she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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