FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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