U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
