If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
