In America we eat man semen.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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