If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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