if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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