Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
