I was born with a shot glass in my hand
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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