So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
