I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
