Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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