you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
