I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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