She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
