Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
