Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
well you can't waste a boner
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
