I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
