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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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