I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
