just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
