Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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