Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
