Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
