who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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