so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
