We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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