umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
