but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
