well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
