dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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