Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We don't watch enough power rangers
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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