There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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