That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
