I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
