you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I intend to get homeless drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
