I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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