I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
