i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
