I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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